Google The Unplanned Homeschooler: infertility
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts

Monday, September 10, 2018

A raw, honest glimpse into the journey through years of infertility - 'Hail Mary for Peanut' review

Infertility is a condition like no other I know. There is the pain, the longing, the anguish of yearning for a child and feeling like a failure, all the while dealing with the intrusive nature of treatment options and the well-meaning but often hurtful opinions of family and friends. And of course, the unending feeling of standing in an unmoving line while others inexplicably get their turns. Will your turn ever come?



Yes, I've been there. For nearly a decade before my twins were born, and then several more years before unexpectedly being blessed with our youngest. I know this journey, all too well. That's why, when I saw a fellow homeschooling mom mention her new book, Hail Mary for Peanut, on Facebook, I knew I needed to review it. 

I expected an interesting read, with familiar elements and hopefully, a happy ending. What I discovered was so much more. 




Heather Nelson's book, part memoir and part advice, is so raw and honest, it took me by surprise. She didn't just talk about the yearning, she dove deep into the feelings of sadness, anger, inadequacy and loss. She brought to life the fears and the fatigue, the hopes and the frustrations of a years-long battle with infertillity and the effects it can have on a woman and on a marriage. 

It's been more than 17 years now since I finally got the positive result on the blood test that assured me I was, indeed, pregnant at last with my twins. But reading this book took me back, all the way to the years when I prayed desperately day after day for God to give me a baby, and felt so alone.

I wish I'd had a book like this when I was going through it all. I knew other women who'd dealt with infertility. My own mother suffered through the better part of a decade before I was born. But, I can't tell you how wonderful it would have been to have been able to curl up in my bed and read these words of sisterhood from a woman who wasn't afraid to tell it all. 

If you know any woman who is going through infertility, get her this book! It may be the lifeline she needs, just to know that she is truly not alone in any of what she is feeling, and that there is hope, no matter where her journey leads. 

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Helping an Infertile Friend Survive Mother’s Day

If you know me at all, outside of this blog, you know that my journey to motherhood - and by association, homeschooling - did not come easily. This Mother's Day, I would like to share one of the first articles I ever published, originally on Yahoo about four years ago. I hope that you will find it of some value today. Happy Mother's Day to those who are celebrating, and much love to those who are just making it through the day.


http://www.freeimages.com/photo/mourning-angel-1215436


I suffered through almost a decade of infertility before giving birth to my twins. By far, the hardest day of each year for me was Mother’s Day. I remember with vivid clarity the last Mother’s Day I ever went to church. They asked all the mothers in the room to come and line up at the front of the church to receive a rose and a thank you from the congregation. The elderly assistant pastor who had never married was the only other woman left standing in the pews besides me.

I felt so conspicuous and left-out, and I vowed never to put myself through another Mother’s Day service again.

If you have a friend or loved one who is dealing with infertility this year, you may be wondering how to delicately handle the holiday. Of course, Mother’s Day is a happy day for most people, and one to be celebrated. But the fact is, infertility makes the day insufferable to many women. Thankfully, there are a few things you can do to help them make it through a particularly tough time.

Cut her some slack



If your friend does not want to go to church on Mother’s Day or join the family in taking Grandma out to brunch, don’t push the matter. Leave her alone and let her have some space. For an infertile woman, Mother’s Day is like a day of loss, of mourning the child you do not, and may not ever have.

She is not being selfish, and she does not need to be pressured to join in. Mother’s Day is just too emotionally charged for many infertile women to handle in the public eye, and that’s okay.

Show her a good time


Earlier or later in the week, or maybe even a week or two before, do something especially nice for your infertile friend. Take her out to lunch, go see a movie, or spend the day out hitting the junk stores. Show her a really fun time, and do your best to help take her mind off the holiday and give her nice things to think about.

If you are going out before the holiday, don’t make a big deal about Mother’s Day being around the corner. Just get out and have fun together. But do be prepared to listen if she wants to talk.

Let her talk if she wants


Follow your friend’s lead. She may need to vent about how she is feeling, or she may want to keep her feelings to herself. If she decides to share her pain with you, let her talk. If she doesn’t open up the subject, then just let it be.

Don’t be flippant


Women who are dealing with infertility need people around them who are caring and supportive, not people who are flippant or worse, judgmental. Don’t minimize her desire for a family by telling her she can have your kids, that she should get a dog, or that maybe she is just not meant to be a mom.

Also, don’t tell your friend that she should just give up and adopt. Adoption is very personal choice, it can be extremely complicated, and it is not something people "give up" and do. The wait to adopt a child is often years long, not everyone is accepted, and it can cost far more than most people realize.

Whatever you say, just try to be supportive and offer your hopes and prayers.

Stand up for her


If you notice other friends or relatives giving your infertile friend a hard time, stick up for her. It is bad enough that she is dealing with a pain that many people do not understand, but it is even worse when others choose to kick her while she’s down. Your friend will appreciate it more than she can express if you stand up to the bullies on her behalf.
 
I am so thankful to be a mother after so many years of infertility. I still prefer celebrating quietly at home with my family rather than making a big show of things out in public. I think a part of me will never truly get over thinking of Mother’s Day as sort of a cruel joke on the infertile women of the world.

I feel blessed every single day of the year to be a mom, and I don’t really need a big party on a greeting card holiday to make me any happier or more fulfilled. I hope every mom-in-waiting gets a lot closer to her first Mother's Day this year!